Familia

First Halloween and Día de los Muertos in Ithaca

These days I’m missing California a lot. With festivals for Día de los Muertos, there’s always something to do in late October. Plus, I love Halloween and in recent years family members have thrown parties. Last year was tough with Mamá Toni’s recent passing, but even then it was still a time spent with family as we gathered for the traditional novena (nine evenings of praying the Rosary) and followed the prayer with tamales, pan dulce or pozole.

Ithaca is amusing

Nevertheless, I think this was one of the best weekend’s we’ve had in Ithaca even though half of it was spent doing chores.

Xavi's third Halloween has been such fun. Well done, Ithaca.

On Friday I left work a little early so I could change in to my last-minute Frida Kahlao costume* and join Xavi and Sean for trick or treating in the Commons. Most businesses were passing out candy or other treats and it was full of kids and their parents in cute costumes.

Maybe Thomas Jefferson?

We decided to play up Xavi’s love of trains rather than our love of Prince circa Purple Rain (why don’t costume shops make these) and my current obsession with all things Hamilton the musical. He could’ve been that other significant Thomas [Jefferson — as portrayed by Daveed Diggs].

Xavi's Halloween costumes

He got a lot of compliments and was a champ at grabbing candy and placing it in his bucket. Last year he enjoyed knocking on doors and ringing doorbells, but this year he was all about choosing candy and

Ithaca meets Diagon Alley, Hogwarts and Hogsmeade. #wizardingweekend

On Saturday we tried to check out the Wizarding Weekend downtown (er, 6 blocks away). It was crowded, but we still were impressed by Ithaca. The organizers transformed the area in to various sites in Hogsmeade, Hogwarts, and Diagon Alley. We missed Quidditich and didn’t get to taste butterbeer, but maybe when Xavi’s older we can all dress up as wizards.

After visiting Hogwarts we did more trick or treating until we were tired and kinda cold.

In progress calaca

On Sunday I put the finishing touches on our altar. This is the first time I put together an altar. It felt important this year for Xavi to see it and to also remember family and friends since we’re so far from everyone.

Muertos altar

We put up pictures of Sean’s Aunt Myrtle who passed away earlier this year, Kevin (2014), tío Joe (2010), Grandpa Bartolo (1997), Grandma Juana (2000), tío Johnny (2012) and Mamá Toni (2014). I made do with what I had on hand, could easily find. Rather than sugar skulls I colored calacas (Xavi helped) and put out cookies rather than pan de muerto. We also set out tamales (made Mamá Toni style), a ukulele (no guitar on hand) for my tío Johnny, pancakes and coffee for Grandpa and Grandma, and some more food. I didn’t have a needle and yarn for Mamá Toni, but did put up some of her handiwork. She knitted the pillow on the left.

Hope your Halloween was fun and safe. If you observe Día de los Muertos, I hope doing so was a nice remembrance of your loved ones’ lives.

*No unibrow because Frida is more than a unibrow, it’s barely visible in some photos. Plus, I don’t actually have an eyeliner pencil to draw it in.

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Cultura

Remembering Alicia

On Sunday my dad called me. I knew what he was going to say before he said it. _____ passed away, mija.

There’s something about his voice that is hard to hide when he calls to share news about a family member or friend’s passing.

This time the name was Alicia. He didn’t even need a last name.

Remembering Alicia

Alicia has always been just Alicia since I first got to know her in the early 1990s through church. Alicia was the primary organizer and benefactor of a ballet folkórico that formed at church. She did so much for us. She took time out of her schedule to organize the rehearsals, found places for us to perform and even helped pay for the fabric to make the dresses.

She showed us she cared and accomplished what she set out to do by starting the group. I don’t know when it happened, but when she was much younger, she lost a son to gang violence. As I recall, her son was no involved but he was an innocent victim. In her grief, Alicia tried to reach out to youth in gangs, but found that these youth may be too entrenched in the life. She needed to reach out to youth who weren’t involved yet.

Danny, Lori and I were all in elementary school when we started with the dance group and continued dancing for a few years. In those years we performed at the annual church carnival in the summer and for the Fiesta de la Virgen de Guadalupe. We performed at her son’s restaurant in San Juan Capistrano and were paid in delicious carne asada nachos. Those performances were always extra fun as it was a short road trip with my good friends in the group. She also set up shows for us at youth group homes and convalescent homes.

Ballet Folkórico days (circa 1993)

The performances at the restaurant were fun, but the most memorable time was when Alicia organized a trip to the Shrine Auditorium for a performance of the Ballet Folkórico de México de Amalia Hernández. I remember being starstruck as Doña Hernández left through the stage door.

Thank you Alicia for all you did for us. It’s been a long time since I’ve danced ballet folkórico, but the zapateado and lessons have always stayed with me. More importantly, thank you for showing the importance of being involved in your community and contributing in whatever way you can as a role model. You were the definition of that lady in the village who looked out for us kids.

Thank you to Angelita, the mom of two of the girls in the group, for sharing this picture with my dad.

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Bebe

Introducing Xavi Be Like

I met Sean in 2002 but I didn’t get to know him until many years later. Enter our blogs. I read his blog, he read mine and we discovered we had a lot in common when it came to music, TV shows and the like. We’ve both been blogging so long that sometimes it feels like we’ve run out of topics, at least the ones we’re interested in sharing on a public blog. Parenting isn’t one of those topics.

As the child of two long time bloggers, it was only a matter of time before Xavi had his own blog (sorta).

Xavi Be Like is a collection of animated GIFs about toddler life and all the emotions it induces. Xavi’s an awesome kid, but he’s also a toddler who is, well, a toddler. There’s a reason “terrible twos” is a common — phrase not that it applies to our little angel. Nope.

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Bebe

Use your words: Starting over and a review of ‘Late-Talking Children’

Use your words, part I

Before we moved from LA I requested my medical records and did the same for Xavi. It was pretty much all review except for the results of Xavi’s initial assessment with the speech language pathologist. I remember looking through PDF and seeing the raw score, the age equivalent and percentile ranking and feeling like I’d been sucker punched. I wanted to cry.

What I heard from the SLP was “Xavi should get one hour of speech therapy. He also qualifies for early intervention pre-school. Let’s set up the former and you can look into the latter.”

It was something like that. On paper the situation seemed more dire.

Xavi started speech therapy for an hour a week and attended for about six weeks before we moved. The location was close and convenient and Xavi liked playing with new-to-him toys and running around the indoor gym/playground. He was also starting to make some improvements.

In the midst of starting a new job, getting acclimated, and moving I dropped the ball when it came to continuity for Xavi’s speech therapy. I finally called the county early intervention office after his second birthday. I shouldn’t have waited so long. I assumed that with our medical records and Xavi’s initial assessment in April he’d be able to start therapy soon. Nope.

Since we’re in New York, we had to restart the process. I wanted to kick myself. I should’ve called as soon as my new insurance kicked in on my first day at the new job. As expected, it’s taken several weeks to get Xavi in speech therapy once again. In the mean time he’s taken to communicating through lots of pointing, pulling us along, nodding his head, signing and using a few words. I’d love to hear him say “‘Bye, mamá” when I leave for work, but right now a big hug, waving goodbye are enough to give me warm fuzzies.

Below is our timeline:

  • August 3ish: Initial referral, I called the early intervention office
  • August 8: Receive the early intervention parent handbook
  • August 24: Intake session with coordinator
  • September 14: Assessment with speech and occupational therapists; immediately get results which confirm that Xavi has a speech delay and qualifies for services. Devise a plan with the intake coordinator.
  • Currently: Waiting for Xavi’s first appointment with his speech therapist in a week

Aside from waiting, the process has been pretty painless. After reading Late-Talking Children: A Symptom or a Stage? by Stephen Camarata I was worried that we’d have someone who would be pushing a diagnosis that didn’t fit or advocated something that could be harmful.

I started reading Late-Talking Children in the spring. I saw it a bookstore on campus and was intrigued enough to request it from the LA Public Library. I slacked on it and only got through the first couple of chapters. I bought the e-book and finished the second two-thirds a few weeks ago.

Late-Talking Children was exactly what I was looking for. It’s easy to go online and read some parenting magazine’s short post/article about speech delay or another parent’s experience, but I wanted evidenced-based info that was also accessible. Camarata lays out the current research and what is known about late-talking children while also including anecdotes seen through his clinic at Vanderbilt University.

Pointing

While Late-Talking Children is very useful and reassuring, it also left me a bit worried and stressed. The first few chapters made me think that Xavi’s speech delay was a stage he’d grow out of rather than a symptom of something else typically linked to speech delay, particularly autism. This was probably why I got lazy and stopped reading initially. Plus, by that time Xavi was already in speech therapy and we were happy with the services he was receiving.

As I started reading more I got worried. Camarata writes about several cases where parents and their children didn’t receive the treatment they needed or clinicians/educators insisted on a certain diagnosis. He acknowledges that these instances are not the norm, but it’s still enough to make you think you’re going to need to go to battle every time you speak to a pediatrician, teacher, speech therapist or other professional who works with early intervention programs. Plus, I couldn’t help wondering about the socioeconomic aspect. I imagine it can be intimidating to argue about an IEP with teachers or clinicians if you’re not fluent in English or they talk down to you because you don’t have multiple degrees from fancy colleges or universities, not that this means everything will be easy as seen through Camarata’s personal experience. He and his wife, an experienced speech pathologist, faced challenges trying to get their late-talking son in a mainstream classroom. While they were both experts in this area, they still faced push back from the teachers and clinicians who were supposed to have his son’s best interest at heart. Yikes.

Thus far, I haven’t felt like I’m doing battle. It’s been the opposite as the only challenge has been waiting a pretty normal amount of time from referral to beginning speech therapy. The handbook we received from NY early intervention office clearly outlines parents’ rights such asking for a second evaluation or declining services. For instance, if the occupational therapist found that Xavi had issues with fine or gross motor skills and recommended occupational therapy, I could have declined this without affecting his right to have speech therapy.

Interesting thing to note: Camarata never mentions bilingualism as a possible cause for late-talking in his section on characteristics of late-talking children.

Overall, I recommend reading Late-Talking Children if you want to be better prepared to advocate for your child if he/she needs early intervention services.

Late summer

Xavi’s review: I like this book because there’s a train on the cover. [Seriously, I had to hide the hardcover book when I had it because Xavi would take it away from me. He loves his trains and instantly likes a book more if it includes a picture of a train.]

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Familia

Working mom FOMO

Zoo time

This morning Sean and Xavi came with me to Syracuse. While I attended my meeting they visited the zoo, which was on all the lists of toddler friendly things to do in the city. I knew that was the plan but it didn’t even cross my mind to object because I’d be missing a first. It just seemed like a great activity. Plus, they needed to do something while I was in my meeting.

I didn’t realize until we met up for lunch after the meeting and we talked about the visit that I’d missed Xavi’s first visit to the zoo. I didn’t get to see his face the first time he saw an elephant (he was more interested in some kids and their wagon) and monkeys. I wasn’t there to make him roar at the tiger and try to wake it up. And I wasn’t there to buy some totally cute toy or stuffed animal — that he does not need — in the gift shop.

But Sean was there and he took pictures and told me stories over lunch and the drive home. Xavi had a good time too, which is more important than me being right next to him. We’ll have more opportunities for fun outings.

I’ve always known I’d miss some firsts, but outings like this didn’t cross my mind because up until a few months ago Sean and I were both working outside the home. We both missed his first steps. His babysitter and grandparents witnessed it and took video. A few hours later Sean and I came home from our respective jobs to the gleeful news from my mother-in-law. She was really hoping Xavi would begin walking during her visit. You can imagine her excitement and pride.

This zoo thing, though? It’s like when you see mutual friends hanging out and it bugs you even though you know that’s dumb because even if you were invited you wouldn’t be able to go.

I shouldn’t have any FOMO (fear of missing out — don’t worry I’d never heard of this until one of the students I work with mentioned it) about my husband and son doing fun stuff together. I should just be thankful we can get by with our current family work arrangements and that I have an awesome husband and Xavi has an amazing dad who also makes beautiful pictures and funny videos so I can feel like I was there.

Mini shopper

After lunch we visited the only Trader Joe’s in a 70 mile radius (*tear*). Xavi made a beeline for the mini shopping carts and immediately filled his with the bananas he picked out and my favorite cereal. He’s always fixated on other kids’ toy shopping carts so letting him push the real deal must’ve been exciting. At least I was there for that first and to make sure he didn’t knock down a display or run over anyone’s toes.

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