Category Archives: Sentimientos

Familia, Sentimientos

In these times

I’ve been getting flashbacks to early 2020 when we didn’t yet know how COVID-19 was going to impact us. There were huge impacts in my work at a university. I had to pivot to cancel or figure out how to move programs online. I barely knew how to use Zoom before March 2020 and quickly had to learn. I won’t even get into all the changes with school and childcare. It was hard, but fortunately I had a good support system both with family and professional help and felt relatively safe in my Ithaca bubble.

These days are different and I feel it in my bones and ability to concentrate. I love to read and struggle to get through books. It’s the dead of winter and the walks and activities that I enjoy and help manage my worries don’t seem appealing. As I write this, it’s in the teens outside.

So, here’s what I’ve been doing to try and manage my own mental health amidst a barrage of bad news.

  1. Daily gratitude journal. Some days I’m just thankful for a cozy sweater or the light that streams into my window in my office. Just writing, using my dozens of pens and markers for doodling and making something pretty calms me.
  2. Staying informed by reading/listening to a few news sources rather than doomscrolling endlessly. It’s one thing to read an article about the latest cuts to research funding. It’s another to read dozens and dozens of takes on that on Bluesky. I’m not on Twitter anymore. I’m never calling it the new name. I still doomscroll, but way less.
  3. Playing more games. Sean and I recently started playing Cinematrix on New York Magazine. He is a movie trivia whiz. We also still play the NY Times games like Wordle and Spelling Bee. We listen to NPR’s Sunday Puzzle with the kids. No matter how many times Archie insists he doesn’t like the game, he joins in for the on-air puzzles. Usually, the weekly challenge is a little tough for them (and us too!), but Xavi was so excited when he helped us solve the puzzle on January 26th almost instantly: “Think of a popular singer whose first and last names each have two syllables. Drop the second syllable from each name and you’ll be left with the piece of a toy. What singer is this?” He gave the name of the singer and instantly I got the toy.
  4. Music! Lately, I’ve been listening to Khruangbin or jazz greats like Miles Davis and Bill Evans while I work.
  5. More TV and theorizing about my favorite mystery box shows like Severance and Yellowjackets.
  6. Connecting with friends and family. This isn’t always easy, but a quick voice note does wonders to lift my spirit.
  7. Being creative. Recently, I made the 12th version of Valentine’s Day cards for family members from the boys. I have a running list of punny jokes related to different members. The next project is making cards for friends.
  8. Investing in creators who make content I value and enjoy. I’ve subscribed to Patreon for creators like The Stacks Podcast and Vibe Check. They both have robust communities for subscribers.
  9. Volunteering. I’ve made an effort to get more involved with my local church. I’ve completed training for being a lector and have already.
  10. Singing. I went to karaoke for the first time in years (maybe 15ish?). There was no one else in the place except me and a few coworkers. I sang way too many songs including “Por Un Amor” in Linda Ronstadt Canciones de Mi Padre style. Xavi is also into Hamilton again and we’ve been singing “Nonstop.”
Valentine with a photo of Xavi in a circle that reads "tío Adrian, you're bun in a million! burger bros p/v" from Xavi
valentine with a photo of archie's head and text that reads "tía Lori, I love you to the mountains and back"

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Sentimientos

The First Two Weeks

Many years ago I went camping with a bunch of my cousins, siblings, and our significant others in Yosemite. It was amazing, but midway through our week there we got heavy rain overnight. We discovered that our tents were not as waterproof as we expected, or we just didn’t set things up right, because we were all Southern California born and raised kids who had years of living through droughts.

Anyway, all of my cousins and siblings gradually abandoned the tents as water seeped in and decamped* for the cars. Here’s what I wrote back then:

“Everyone abandoned the tents for the cars. Sean and I stayed. I knew I wouldn’t sleep in a crowded SUV. The tent was cold, and the thunder and lightning was scary, but I was still relatively dry. I even slept a little. Sean wasn’t so lucky and got dripped on a little more later in the night. My cousins joked that we were like the old couple in Titanic cuddling on their bunk as the deck flooded, resigned to their fate. At least we didn’t get washed away or had the tent collapse on us.” (from Yosemite Day 3)

Nearly 15 years later, we’re still laughing about this and have told the story to our children. They have never seen the movie, but they’ve seen the memes and get the visual.

***

This is what came to mind as I went to work at a university where I lead diversity, equity, and inclusion programs in STEM. I know the work I do is valuable, necessary, and important. I know it’s backed up by theory and numerous studies along with my experience working in the field. I wish I could brush off the attacks and keep it moving, but as I write this at least one program I run may be impacted due to being grant-funded. I don’t know what’s to come, but I know I will keep doing the work whether there is federal support or not.

***

I just finished, The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by the Dalai Lama, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and Douglas Carlton Abrams. It’s the February pick for the church book club which always does at least one religious or spiritual book a year along with other nonfiction or literary fiction books. It came at a perfect time as I try to keep myself from doomscrolling with all that’s going on.

I’ve already begun to incorporate some of the practices to bring more joy. One is gratitude and they suggested a daily gratitude journal. Things I’ve noted in the past couple of days:

  • Long voice notes from my younger brother. He sends voice notes as he goes about his work day. They make me laugh, even when the topics are tough. His work route was in Altadena and was heavily impacted by the recent fires.
  • A position that allows me to take health/personal days as I need them. I felt particularly drained and tired one day this week and called out. That rest day felt good.
  • Jigsaw puzzles. I’ve always loved putting together puzzles. I borrow them from a nonprofit toy library and listen to podcasts or audiobooks as I work.
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Parenting, Sentimientos

It’s Not A Competition

One of the things I frequently do to speed up the kids is make a simple task into a game.

Who can put away their things from school the fastest? Who can get all their winter gear on first? Who will be the first to get ready for bed?

Sometimes it works and other times someone gets distracted and leaves a backpack strewn on the floor, como salero, as my mom would say.

And still other times the kids object and remind me, “It’s not a competition!”

That little phrase comes to mind frequently. On the playground or school hallways it makes sense. Teachers don’t want kids tripping over themselves or fighting.

To me it’s a good reminder that I’m on my own path. So are my kids. It’s okay if my comadre’s daughter is reading well beyond grade level and my child is still learning sight words. It’s okay if my younger brother bought a home before I did. And it’s okay if a good friend gets a well-deserved promotion. Their success and talents have nothing to do with my own efforts.

Still, saying “it’s not a competition” – and believing it – hasn’t come easy. In graduate school I struggled with this. I always said my congratulations when a friend achieved an important milestone, but I didn’t feel very congratulatory. At the same time they were ticking off their goals I was struggling with motivation. I was unsure if it was the right path for me. As I saw their announcements it felt like others were finishing the race and leaving me behind.

Then I started running. I came to understand races differently. Of course there was a winner, but most of the people in the race had different goals. We wanted to finish, PR, negative split, avoid injury, take fun race photos, or just enjoy the process.

These days I still struggle with feeling like I’m behind. I talk about it with my therapist and we work on it by focusing on my strengths, accomplishments, and resources. I also remind myself that I have amazing family and friends who will support me when and if I want to work on a goal.

It’s not a competition, but that doesn’t mean I’m not moving forward and meeting my own goals on my own time.

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Sentimientos

Reflecting On Reflections

A few weeks ago I rushed out on the way to work. I was running late and didn’t have time for makeup. At the time my workplace still required masks around others unless I was in my office. No one would see my face, I figured. The KN94 mask would cover the dark circles under my eyes from staying up too late to watch TV. I didn’t factor in Zoom meetings where I’d have my camera on. It was like sitting in front of a mirror for an hour.

I also didn’t account for Facebook memories which highlighted a photo from December 2011. In the photo I sat beside Sean at a friend’s birthday party. The golden hour light lit up our smiles. I wasn’t wearing any makeup, but I liked the way I looked.

It was such a stark contrast to how I looked and felt on that Monday.

***

I didn’t wear makeup on a daily basis until a few years after moving to Ithaca, an area that has as many cloudy days as Seattle. I don’t know if it was lack of sun, lack of sleep as a mother of two small children, or just age, but I started to feel like just moisturizer with SPF wasn’t enough. I began using the products my sister hooked me up with a few months after we moved. Since I couldn’t rely on her to do my makeup for special events, she gave me what I needed and added in a lesson. I got into the habit of a simple makeup routine and I liked the way I looked after applying some bronzer, blush and mascara.

A conversation came back to me later that day. In my twenties, I flippantly said I didn’t wear makeup because I didn’t need it. My tía Luisa heard me and kindly pointed out that my comment was rude and could be hurtful. Did I think she needed makeup, she asked? Of course not.

I’m not even sure I need makeup now, but I like it. And that’s enough.

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