Category Archives: Parenting

Música, Parenting

It’s An Old Song

A few months ago I remember seeing a prompt on Bluesky from a contributor with This American Life. They needed stories from when someone said an off-hand remark that stuck with you for a long time and had a major impact on your life1. I couldn’t think of one to add, but this winter, I recalled a remark my dad made about musicals when I was a kid. 

We had just rented The Sound of Music on VHS. I don’t know what prompted it, but I distinctly remember him saying it was boring and too long, “They sing the same song for 15 minutes!” 

I took that and extrapolated it to believe that all musicals were boring and too long. Musicals weren’t my thing. 

I still held on to this belief even after seeing a few musicals at the Pantages Theater in Hollywood. We could never afford orchestra tickets for a family of six, but my dad got complimentary tickets from work. We saw Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and Candide and a couple other shows thanks to that perk2. Joseph and Candide were fine and I enjoyed them, but I didn’t go home and immediately beg my parents to get a CD recording so I could listen to the songs endlessly. In my 20s, I saw a few other shows at the same theater and was a bit bored in the second act. Don’t hate me, but I didn’t love Wicked and Mamma Mia! 

The joke is on me. I’ve enjoyed musicals and musical theater since I was a teen. I was really into the 1990s Disney musicals. Some of the first CDs I owned were the soundtracks to Lion King, Aladdin, and Pocahontas. A friend gave me a 4-CD disc set of Disney music for my quinceañera, and it was one of the best gifts ever. To this day, “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid is still a go-to at karaoke.

Two, I was a band kid from middle school into college! Do you know how many times I played music from musicals?! Twice. West Side Story really had a grip on my band directors. Yes, I’ve formed a shark and a jet on a football field.

Maybe my dad isn’t into musicals, but I am3. See: Hamilton obsession and Hadestown. 

Hadestown came to me by way of Xavi.

After acting in the fall Shakespeare play, The Tempest, Xavi decided to audition for the winter musical which would be either Hadestown: Teen Edition or Mary Poppins4. The students and school decided on Hadestown and Xavi was cast as a member of the chorus/workers. 

From December through February, he worked hard in many rehearsals on weeknights and weekends to learn the music and choreography. We’d listen to songs from the musical in the car or at home as he practiced his parts and choreography. It was cute to hear him share the origin story of Orpheus and Eurydice with Archie. 

Collage of photos from the Hadestown teen production.

We saw the school’s production four weeks ago. I was blown away by all the performers and so proud of Xavi’s hard work. I was also touched that my mom was able to come out to see Xavi. He didn’t know she was coming and was so surprised to see her when he came home from school.

Before the teen performance, I had only heard a few of the songs from Hadestown. But afterward I knew I wanted to see the Broadway production. So, when Xavi asked if we could see it while visiting family in Long Island, I immediately said “yes, let’s see if there are tickets!” 

Collage of photos from Broadway Hadestown outside the theater, in theater of set and playbill, and Cindy, Xavi and Archie.

We both loved it and I’m obsessed5. Two weeks later, I’m still amazed at the set, lighting, actors, and musicians and have had the Original Broadway Cast recording on repeat. Seeing the Broadway production made me appreciate more what Xavi and his peers did with a minimal set and budget. I told Sean that I was much more touched by the teen rendition of “Why We Build the Wall” because I saw Xavi up there and because the themes of the musical will have a greater impact on his generation.

On the road trip back from Long Island, we did family sing-alongs to Hamilton, a musical I played constantly when Xavi was a toddler and Archie was in utero/a baby. After asking to skip to “Wait for It”, Xavi said, “I have such memories of this song!” He then didn’t allow me to sing until the chorus, because he claimed Aaron Burr’s parts.

Whether we’re singing “Wait for It” or “Wait for Me”, I’m glad we can have these full circle moments and influence each other’s music taste.

It’s a parenting moment I didn’t know I was waiting for.

  1. The resulting episode was pretty good. ↩︎
  2. I also got to see an incredible flamenco show there and Natalie Merchant at the Greek Theater. That was my first concert. ↩︎
  3. No shade whatsoever to my dad who has had a huge and positive influence on my musical upbringing. I’ve reflected on it like in this snippet from seeing Los Lobos years ago. ↩︎
  4. The number of times I watched my VHS of Mary Poppins might also say something about my affinity for musicals. ↩︎
  5. Sean and Archie didn’t go, but Archie still had a good time spending Christmas money in the Nintendo LEGO stores. ↩︎
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Escuela, Parenting

School days

A few weeks ago we were watching Abbot Elementary. My older son loves the show. Some of the teachers remind them of the adults in his life either at school or his after-school program. Some are just silly. The episode was Fundraiser. In it, the kids sell chocolates to raise money to go to the Franklin Institute.

While watching, I realized that I have children in fourth and first grade and the concept of fundraising may be foreign to them. I’ve never taken a box of chocolates or a catalog of overpriced items to sell at work or share with friends and family. I remember SO. MANY. FUNDRAISERS. as a kid. Some were associated with Girl Scouts or our baseball teams, but mostly they were for school. They probably went to fund the extracurriculars like museum trips. I know we didn’t have great funding because I can recall at least once when our teachers picketed.

The kids have participated in fundraising events. They’ve helped out at bake sales and gladly bought items. The school has events like a winter fair or summer end of the year festival that doubles as a fundraiser for a fifth grade trip. We try to make those since it’s a fun thing to do and I like seeing them interact with their classmates since it’s rare.

But the kind of fundraising they did on Abbot Elementary? Nope.

Empty brick school on a sunny day. The blacktop play area is painted with blue and yellow for four square games. In the background are palm trees and low mountains.
This used to be my playground… really.

This brought to mind other things about their schools that are very different than my own experience:

  • Specials – I didn’t know about specials until I had friends with kids starting schools. They have dedicated music, art, and PE teachers. I remember doing all of these as a kid, but in elementary school I only had one teacher.
  • Orchestra – starting in third grade, children can sign up to learn a string instrument. In my experience, we could sign up for a wind instrument in third (maybe fourth?) grade for the concert band.
  • No letter grades – The kids get numbers that correspond to their progress, e.g., “4 = meets or exceeds grade level expectations”. I’m pretty sure I had letter grades and also had citizenship marks like O for outstanding, S for satisfactory and N for needs improvement.
  • Limited homework – now that X is in fourth grade, he has some math and reading assignments each day. Prior to this, he rarely brought home assignments. I can’t remember how much homework I had.
  • Enrichment activities – the school PTA offers after-school enrichment classes in things like learning about bugs or gaming club. There’s a cost, but the PTA subsides this activity. I don’t remember anything like this when I was a kid.
  • Bus – The kids have been riding the bus since pre-k. I lived a block away and never rode the bus to/from school. Even for the kids who lived further away, I’m not sure my district offered buses to our school and for middle and high school, I got a ride from my mom or another parent who was part of our carpool.
  • Class sizes – I remember having 30+ students in my classes. I don’t know how small my K-3 grade classes were, but the kids’ class sizes have always been under 20 students.
  • Water bottles – Each fall we get a list of things the students should be taking to school daily. The water bottle is always a part of this.

I’m not even getting into technology, dressing for the cold weather, COVID protocols, and lockdown drills because all of that seems obvious and a sign of the times.

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Parenting, Sentimientos

It’s Not A Competition

One of the things I frequently do to speed up the kids is make a simple task into a game.

Who can put away their things from school the fastest? Who can get all their winter gear on first? Who will be the first to get ready for bed?

Sometimes it works and other times someone gets distracted and leaves a backpack strewn on the floor, como salero, as my mom would say.

And still other times the kids object and remind me, “It’s not a competition!”

That little phrase comes to mind frequently. On the playground or school hallways it makes sense. Teachers don’t want kids tripping over themselves or fighting.

To me it’s a good reminder that I’m on my own path. So are my kids. It’s okay if my comadre’s daughter is reading well beyond grade level and my child is still learning sight words. It’s okay if my younger brother bought a home before I did. And it’s okay if a good friend gets a well-deserved promotion. Their success and talents have nothing to do with my own efforts.

Still, saying “it’s not a competition” – and believing it – hasn’t come easy. In graduate school I struggled with this. I always said my congratulations when a friend achieved an important milestone, but I didn’t feel very congratulatory. At the same time they were ticking off their goals I was struggling with motivation. I was unsure if it was the right path for me. As I saw their announcements it felt like others were finishing the race and leaving me behind.

Then I started running. I came to understand races differently. Of course there was a winner, but most of the people in the race had different goals. We wanted to finish, PR, negative split, avoid injury, take fun race photos, or just enjoy the process.

These days I still struggle with feeling like I’m behind. I talk about it with my therapist and we work on it by focusing on my strengths, accomplishments, and resources. I also remind myself that I have amazing family and friends who will support me when and if I want to work on a goal.

It’s not a competition, but that doesn’t mean I’m not moving forward and meeting my own goals on my own time.

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Parenting

If You’re Bored, You Can Clean

As the kids get older, I find myself sounding more and more like my parents. Thing I have said or wanted to say:

If you’re bored, you can clean.
I learned quickly as a kid that if I said I was bored, one of my parents would respond with “hay está la escoba, ponte a barrer”. It used to frustrate me, but now I get it. I didn’t have nearly the same amount of toys, books and other entertainment options as my kids — so many streaming options! But still, it must’ve been frustrating for my tired parents to hear that after they’d been working all day int he home and outside the home.

Church is only about an hour a week.
Before the pandemic, we went to Mass most weeks. That stopped two years ago with the pandemic when everything moved online. With Lent beginning a few weeks ago, I wanted to incorporate that into our family routine once again. The kids have a lot of complaints. I find myself using the same approach my mom did when I was a kid by rationalizing that we spent about an hour in church out of a whole week.

No one is in here, why is the light on?
This bugs me and I’m constantly turning off lights around our home. I can hear my dad’s voice. I’m also the one who opens all the blinds and curtains to allow the most natural light. I’m like my mom in that way.

Either comb your hair or you’ll have to cut it.
This is the phrase that inspired this post. I overheard Archie whining as Sean detangled his hair and added leave-in conditioner. He’s never had a haircut and also prefers for it to be loose, which means lots of tangles and occasional surprises (see: coming home with a nasty bur trapped in his hair). That would be okay if he didn’t complain about washing, detangling, etc. When I was 6 or 7 my mom made me get a haircut because I no longer wanted her to put it into braids or pigtails.

Felt like my mom once again right now when I just told one of the kids, “if I go and look and find your Batman, then I’m keeping it!”

— cindy mosqueda (@cindylu) December 23, 2021

If I go in there and find ___________, then I’m keeping it.
I’ve heard from friends with teens that the constantly losing things and not being able to find them phase continues well after early childhood years.

I guess we have a ghost.
There are times when I notice something like a scribble on the wall. I’ll ask both kids but neither one will ‘fess up to it. They stay silent and shake their heads just like my own parents used to do when something similar happened. Many years later, I still don’t think any one ever admitted to breaking a glass figurine on my mom’s dresser.

You think I like spending Saturday morning cleaning?
Sometimes the kids grumble when it’s to clean up.

Sana, sana, colita de rana, si no sana hoy, sanará mañana.
I still use this gem with the kids and offer arnica for bruises and bumps. I also use my mom’s “cure” for hiccups.

Te calmas o te calmo.
I have wanted to say this so many times, but usually stop myself. For me, it implies using some kind of corporal punishment and we decided to use other methods of discipline. Plus, neither kid is bilingual so it wouldn’t mean anything to them.

Hay comida en la casa.
Okay, I say this more to myself or Sean than the kids.

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