Familia, Fotos

The favorites

our mom is silly. we love her.

Adrian and I like to say we’re my mom’s favorites. I think the above photo is proof. Plus, I know she thinks Adrian is her best looking kid. She was joking then, of course.

Happy mother’s day, Mom!

And happy mother’s day to all the other marvelous mamas out there, especially my grandmothers, great aunts, aunts, cousins and friends.

Now, off to help with the tamales!

(Note: I didn’t pose with the beer because I wasn’t drinking at the time for medical reasons. Boring. At least I was a reliable designated driver.)

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Familia

My little brother rocks

I got an angry comment from my younger brother last week. He was upset and felt ignored. I can’t blame him. In an older post, I listed my family’s long term involvement at St. John Vianney. For some reason, probably just because my memory failed me, I left out Adrian’s 5 year tenure as a drummer during the youth Mass. In his words, “[he] rocked that place and woke everyone up, like it or not!” Danny was also part of the youth choir, but was usually the cantor (lead singer). I always enjoyed those Masses. It was cool to see my brother up there doing what he loved and I felt proud of him when he was complimented by the priest or other parishioners.

Adrian still has the drum kit set up in his room, but no longer plays with a band or with the youth choir. He’s much too busy working a couple of jobs. At dawn he gets up to work at UPS. In the afternoons, he heads off to his second job as the site director of an after school program at local middle school. Adrian’s been working with the after school program for a few years now, and just recently took on the responsibility of being the site director. I know the dealing with paperwork and misbehaving kids stresses him out, but I know he also enjoys teaching his kids to drum. He’s doing a great job. (Fun fact: my mom — who has worked in Hacienda Heights schools for 20 years or so — is one of the people Adrian oversees at his site.)

Adrian’s no longer rocking out on the drums at church, on the field (drum line in the band) or in local clubs with his band, but he’s still making me proud.

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Cultura, Familia

Old school

My grandma only compliments my looks when I wear an apron Sometime in the late 80s, Papá Chepe and Mamá Toni sold their Boyle Heights home. My family’s Hacienda Heights home became their default residence while they were in LA, away from their homes in Tijuana and El Cargadero, Zacatecas.

As one might expect, our three bedroom, 1.5 bathroom house felt crowded with eight people spanning three generations sharing the space. The physical aspect wasn’t ever that big of a deal except when the grandparents went to bed early on the living room sofa bed and we had to be quiet in the kitchen. No, what took more time to adjust to mom and Mamá Toni’s often clashing opinions on how the house should be run.

Mom has always had all four kids help out with chores both in and outside the house. I had to help in the kitchen more often than my brothers, and they had to rake the leaves of mow the lawn more often than I did. There were times when the roles would be mixed and Danny would be doing the laundry or ironing. And we all had to help trim la mora and clean up the huge mess (the mulberry tree in the front yard).

Mamá Toni was quick to express her disapproval of this set-up. She scolded Mom for letting Danny iron his own pants and called me and Lori lazy. Once when she saw dad washing dishes and helping mom clean up after dinner, she told mom she was embarrassed.

My grandma’s old school attitudes stressed out mom who saw talking back to one’s parents as taboo. Mom had to find a respectful way to tell her own mother that in her household it was okay for her husband to help wash dishes and her sons to wash their own dirty socks.

After living with my mom for 20+ years and nearing 90, Mamá Toni has calmed down a bit in her strict division of labor. After she got sick and was hospitalized in 2004, she even let Papá Chepe wash his own dishes after lunch. I was flabbergasted when I saw this as I’d never seen him even take his dish to the sink or warm up his own tortilla. I’ve seen him do this a few times since, and it’s still strange for me.

Every once in a while, Mamá Toni will still speak up when she sees something that conforms to her view of the way things should be. On Sunday most of the women in my family complimented me on my cute new dress. Mamá Toni said nothing about the dress and only complimented me when I put on my apron so I could make a green salad and protect my white dress.

“Que bonita te ves con tu pechera,” she said. [Translation: You look so pretty with your apron.]

The only time she ever compliments my looks is when I’m wearing an apron. I’m okay with that. The apron is pretty cool.

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Boda, Familia

The reactions

A few years ago, I had a conversation with Alex about how one should spread the news about an engagement. I’m unsure if he had already asked his girlfriend to marry him. It was definitely before the Facebook engagement to Sean. Either way, we agreed that some people should not find out about life changing events like engagements or pregnancies via FB. I kept this in mind last week.

On Monday night after Sean proposed, I kept the news to my parents and siblings (except Adrian, he has an early bed time), a couple of my closest friends and roommates. Sean only called his best friend as everyone else was already asleep on the east coast. Neither one of us mentioned anything on FB or Twitter.

I spoke to Adrian as soon as I woke up on Tuesday morning. I told him the story I’d repeat several more times as I called other family members and more of my closest friends. I was often initially congratulated and asked about the marathon. The transition to the engagement was a little awkward, but all that faded away as soon as I broke the news and got some incredulous, but very happy responses.

Sean shared the news his friends on the east coast. Before I got out of bed, I had a half dozen posts on my FB offering vague congratulations.

I proceeded to email and send FB messages to cousins, aunts and uncles. Afterward, I posted on Twitter, FB and the blog. Sean did the same. I would have loved to wait to share until another mini family reunion, but containing the news was almost impossible. The nice thing about using email, FB and Twitter is that all those reactions are saved to more than just my memory.

I went through the reactions again this evening. It was a good antidote to the stress I felt Sunday night as Sean and I talked about a timeline — next fall sounds good, at least right now — and began checking out overwhelming wedding planning blogs and websites. I’ve posted some of the reactions from family and friends below. I’ll come back to it as I plan and stress to remind me that they’re not people on a guest list, just another plate at dinner or dot on a seating chart. They’re people who love and care for me and Sean and I’m blessed to have them in my life.

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Familia, Mexico

The Tijuana house

Last year when I interviewed Papá Chepe at the East LA StoryCorps booth I asked him about his proudest life achievement.

I was a little surprised by his answer.

He admitted that he was proudest to have donated his home in Tijuana (what I call the Tijuana house) to an orphanage, Hogar San José de Calasanz (HOCATI). My grandparents came to this decision after their home had been on the market for years. They’d had some problems with the house too. There were break-ins, and a car crashed in to the garage (no one was hurt). As they aged, they spent less time in Tijuana and their other home in El Cargadero, Zacatecas and more time at their LA home, also known as my family’s home.

I grew up going to Tijuana frequently. Each time my family went, we’d have birria downtown in a restaurant with stuffed cow heads mounted on the walls. Aftweward, we’d go shopping. I usually came home with a shiny pair of patent leather shoes. I’d scuff them up the next weekend chasing kids and imitating my mom’s dance moves at the next party.

For us kids, the Tijuana house was a bit boring. We couldn’t watch our typical cartoons. Instead we explored the house. We’d rattle Papá Chepe’s collection of Miller High Life glassware and neon signs as we ran around the second floor. We’d run up the cool metal spiral staircase in to Papá Chepe and Mamá Toni’s room. We’d crawl in and out of the tiny door in to the garage… until we got scolded by Mamá Toni or my mom. We’d have Azucaritas for breakfast and churritos with limón y chile from the store down the street for a snack.

Sometimes, we’d sit out on the second floor balcony and stare at the thousands of homes crowded on the Tijuana hillside. We’d walk down to the third floor, which had been made to apartments, and explored the outdoor laundry area and small garden.

I was too young to understand why my grandparents had three homes in Tijuana, East LA and Zacatecas. I didn’t know that Papá Chepe built the house nor that when Papá Chepe came to the States to work, he moved his family to Tijuana so that they’d be closer to him. It was in this period that my tío Chuy got lost in downtown Tijuana. He was just a little boy, no more than six years old. The family was rightfully worried and looked for him everywhere to no avail. That evening, he was brought home by a mysterious, short and chubby man. My family thinks it was the Santo Niño de Atocha. When extended family migrated north from Zacatecas, they often stayed at the Tijuana house on the way to the states.

While the Tijuana house was a significant part of my childhood, it was less so in my teens and almost absent in my 20s. I’ve only been to the Tijuana house once in the last 10 years. In 2005 I stayed with Papá Chepe and Mamá Toni for a couple of days before flying out with them to Zacatecas for Christmas. Rather than run around the house, I spent it going through old albums identifying tías and tíos as children and teens. The house was like a museum of my family’s history.

All of that history has been removed from the house. The furniture stayed. The home is large enough to house about 15 children. Currently, it’s being readied for teens to move in. My family is very committed to HOCATI. My grandparents and parents have visited the children and taken them toys. When they donated the house, my family knew we’d be supporting HOCATI for a long time. Last fall, my mom sold all of the avocados on our tree and donated what she raised. (There were a lot of avocados, at least 300.)

This Saturday, March 19th, my family will host a fundraiser for HOCATI at our home in Hacienda Heights. It’ll coincide with el Día de San José, which we always celebrate as it’s Papá Chepe’s saint’s day.

At the fundraiser this Saturday, we’ll have lots of great food for sale as well as entertainment. If you’d like to stop by for some tacos, sopes, tamales, or enchiladas or would like to know how to donate to HOCATI, let me know and I’ll send you the invite.

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