Dry 2024

What’s the point of being sober if no one notices?
– from The Five Wounds by Kirstin Valdez Quade

It’s early January, and numerous news outlets and people on my social media feeds are talking about Dry January. Yesterday, I replied to a post on Threads where someone reflected on day 4 of Dry January. That prompted my own short reflection and this longer one.

I decided in November 2023 to limit alcohol per my doctor’s recommendation during my annual physical. For my own health, alcohol isn’t good. I’m not a big drinker, but I would have some wine or beer 1-2 evenings a week while watching TV or at a party/social occasion. I don’t feel like I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, but like a lot of people I’ve regretted how much I’ve drank more than once.

Cindy and her brother Adrian smiling side-by-side. The background of the house shows Christmas decorations. — *December 2023: with my brother, Adrian*

Shortly after my physical, I visited family in LA for the annual Mosqueda Family Posada. What was supposed to be a fun and festive trip ended up being stressful due to a medical issue (everyone is okay, thankfully!). By the day of the party, I wanted to unwind with family I hadn’t seen in months, so I decided to have a drink. I didn’t know it would be my last.

In January, I met for the first time with a nutritionist my PCP referred me to for some other health concerns. In my intake appointment, we discussed my current habits and lifestyle and composed some achievable goals. I left with the following list:

Eat a more complete breakfast by including protein
Eat vegetables with lunch and dinner
Go to bed earlier (before 1 am)
Exercise at least 30 minutes 3 times/week
Eliminate alcohol

Yes, rather than limit alcohol, she recommended eliminating it. Okay. I had varying degrees of success with the other changes throughout the year, but I stuck to eliminating alcohol and 2024 became my first full year of no drinking. Technically, I’m sober, but it feels weird to say that because it carries a lot of weight.

Do I miss it? A bit, especially in the summer when a cold beer sounded delicious or at a social event. I stayed at a hotel for work that gave you coupons for two cocktails at the bars and was a little bummed that I missed out on a poolside margarita. But I still enjoyed the pool with a mocktail. I’ve tried non-alcoholic beer and it does the job when I crave the taste.

Is it hard? No. At a different point in my life this would have been more challenging. I don’t go to a lot of parties where there’s beer or other alcohol. My social life in Ithaca is much more quiet than it was in LA. Sean does the grocery shopping and rarely buys alcohol for our home.

I recognize that my experience quitting drinking may be different from a lot of people. I’ve seen a loved one quit drinking and know it was different for them. I also know of others who have struggled and not been able to stop. I can’t speak to those experiences, but now I can relate a tiny bit to some of the other changes that come with this.

Is it weird? Kinda, but mostly because I tend to overanalyze things. I’ve been asked if I want wine or beer and when I decline I feel like I have to explain why I’m not drinking. No one has ever asked me to explain or pressured me to drink. The weirdness is all in my head and I feel a bit self-conscious being the only one without a drink in the group in the rare times that’s happened.

Cindy and her brother Danny side by side. They’re smiling at the camera. She’s in a black shirt and he’s in a grey LA Dodgers shirt and blue LA cap. — *December 2024: with my brother, Danny*

Before today, I had only shared with a few people that I made this decision. I asked for recommendations on good non-alcoholic beers with my online mom group. My doctors know and, naturally, so does Sean. I don’t think I told anyone in my immediate family, but this is likely because I only see them in person a couple of times a year.

Do I notice any changes? Shrug. I can’t really say one way or another since I consciously made other changes when I also eliminated alcohol. It’d be harder to say “I’m sleeping better” or have more energy because I also tried to get more sleep, exercise and eat more vegetables.

If you’re making any changes for your health and wellness, I hope you have people in your corner to support you and you meet your goals. I’m always here to cheer you on too.

Bebe, Cambios

The requisite body after baby post

Most new mom bloggers I read — at least those focused on fitness and running — seem to write the “body after baby” post almost as soon as they have the baby. I waited a while.

***

I wrote the following when I was 39/40 weeks pregnant.

“Are you sure your due date is in a month?”

“You look like you’re ready to pop!”

“Wow, you’re getting big!”

“Are you sure you’re not having twins in there?”

I haven’t heard any of these comments, I’ve just read about them on blogs, message boards, and Facebook groups. Instead, I’ve heard comments from family, co-workers, nurses and others that I don’t look like I’m that far along or that I look small. One nurse asked if I was gaining enough weight. Family members commented on my lack of a large bump. My cousin Nancy even accused me of exaggerating it — she was half right. Although my doctor was never concerned about my weight gain or Meatball’s size, those comments made me wonder if he was growing okay.

Honestly, I felt a little left out since it took a while for me to even get the occasional “Are you pregnant?/When are you due?” question from a stranger. In this case, the person was not a stranger, but a student I worked with. While my co-workers all knew early in the second trimester, I never actually told the 4 work-study students in our office or the dozens of students I coordinate in research programs. That just would be weird. In mid-May (30 weeks along), I got my first “are you expecting?” question. I was happy because finally I was starting to look pregnant rather than as if I’d just gained weight. When I told Sean, he replied, “Ah, youth. They haven’t learned to avoid that question at all costs.” I replied that I didn’t mind, plus the student got a pass because he’s in nursing and has done a nursing round in labor and delivery at a local hospital. One of our work-study students didn’t even know I was pregnant until June probably because I’m usually sitting at a desk.

The only other time I’ve received much attention about my body and weight gain/loss was four years ago when I was in the process of losing 60 pounds. In both cases, the comments about the changes came from friends, family, and co-workers. During weight loss there were more comments that made me feel uncomfortable and self conscious. Sure, I liked that my efforts were noticed, but for me there was a “right” way and time to acknowledge the differences. The same goes for pregnancy. I’ve been lucky that I work and am surrounded by people who are (a) just very sweet or (b) know what not to say.

***

Written in early 2014

I know that was a bit smug and humble-braggy, probably why I never felt it was ready to publish. And then Xavi was born and writing wasn’t a priority.

Now 4.5 months postpartum this has come back. I remember reading another mom blogger’s update about her newborn son’s 2nd week. At the end of it she made a comment about already being in her pre-pregnancy jeans. I felt pretty shitty reading that. For the first few weeks, I felt like a slug. Nothing fit and and I felt frumpy in everything. This wasn’t such an issue since I really didn’t have anywhere to go and could get away with wearing yoga pants and tank tops all day. If I needed to wear actual pants, I wore my maternity jeans. When I returned to work, I bought a couple new pairs of jeans with a gift card my aunt gave me (thanks, tía Nelly).

***

Written recently

Losing the weight I gained during pregnancy and the year before that hasn’t been a priority.

Five years ago, I worked really hard to get to my current weight. 165 was my driver’s license weight, that way low-balled number you put on the DMV forms. Sure, it was higher than what I was used to in recent years, but I was still 30 pounds away from where I had been at one point. It took me 5 months of meticulously tracking everything I ate to make sure I stayed within my points and running 4-5 times a week before I got to the 160s. I feel okay giving myself some leeway in the mad dash to lose the baby weight.

I had other priorities besides getting in to a certain pair of jeans — spending time with Xavi and Sean, keeping up my breastmilk supply and getting a little more sleep. I did miss running, but when I tried to start again I’d get discouraged by being so out of shape. I do want to get back to running and being more fit especially since Xavi started walking (4 days after his first birthday) and I need to keep up with him.

In August I began a free 12-week fitness class, Bruin Health Improvement Program’s (BHIP) On Ramp. The intro class is described as a “comprehensive strength and conditioning program.”

I wasn’t sure what to expect, but everyone I know who has taken the class highly recommends it. I would have signed up earlier, but was still pumping three times a day and wasn’t sure I’d have time to commit to an hour class three times a week. I still need to get work done.

So far, BHIP has been awesome. I’ve never stuck with a fitness class for more than 1 or 2 sessions. I preferred running on my own schedule. BHIP is different. Our class is tiny compared to the evening sessions. BHIP offers morning sessions too, but I’d rather sleep and have a little more Xavi time.

The workouts are crossfit style without the competitiveness or weird names. Since our class is usually 8 people, we get a lot of individual attention from the two instructors. They are also really motivating for those times when I just want to quit because it’s too damn hot out. It’s also nice to get out of my office and check out the campus I know and love. I’m the kind of person who eats lunch at my desk.

I like being back at the track where I used to do speed workouts for marathon training. I didn’t know much about BHIP then because I wasn’t eligible for the program. Now I’m the one in a corner doing workouts and watching the very fit athletes — Olympians, pros and D1 athletes — who are on the track or stairs for their midday workouts. I even spotted Kevin Durant out there once.

For the first week or so I was very sore and felt in over my head. Maybe I should have taken the BHIP 0.5 class focused on weight loss for more sedentary folks. Nevertheless, I’m starting to see results. I still can’t do a proper pushup, but I am getting stronger. I’ve also lost a little bit of weight even though I’m not concentrating on the nutrition aspect. It could just be water weight since I sweat a lot with outdoor midday workouts. The main physical differences are probably my awkward tan lines.

I’m still far from getting to pre-pregnancy clothes, but that’s okay. At least my sister Lori will get some use out of them. I had a moment when I saw her in one of the dresses I wore at my goal weight. I expected my old clothes to fit her a little loose, but the dress fit perfectly. I couldn’t believe I was that small. I forgot that one of my weightloss goals was to fit in to Lori’s clothes.

The experience was a little unsettling to see how far away I am from my goal weight. But that’s okay, it’s also motivation to know what sticking to a plan and moving more can do for my body and mind.

Cambios

New Rules of Lifting for Women Stage 1 progress

I can’t do a push-up. No, I don’t mean the modified kind where you drop down on your knees, but the kind I’d need to do if I was in the military. Let’s pause for a moment so I can hang my head in shame.

Six weeks ago, I would’ve felt no shame admitting this. However, that was before a strength training plan designed to get me to “lift heavy” and build muscle.

I completed stage one of the The New Rules of Lifting for Women (NROLW) last Saturday with the second of the bonus workouts. Stage one consists of two alternating workouts, A and B, done 8 times each. From workout 1 to workout 8, I grew much stronger and looked forward to each workout. I was excited to get back in the gym, put on my gloves and make more notations in my makeshift workout journal. Overall, I’m happy with my progress (see below for numbers), but there are a couple downsides.

The good stuff:
I’m definitely stronger and lifting heavy (for me).

I can see and feel the muscle growing in my arms, legs, back, etc. If I flex, I actually have something to show.

The workouts don’t take long. If I didn’t have to wait for any equipment, I could get a warm-up and workout done in 45 minutes or less.

I really like protein shakes and look forward to them after a workout. I use the CytoSport vanilla whey protein from Costco.

Downsides:
I’d feel stronger if I could actually do more than one or two push-ups. My 30 degree angled push-ups against a bench are pretty weak.

My gym is not that big. When crowded, it took me a few minutes to find the dumbbells I needed or I had to wait for someone else to finish with them. Sometimes I couldn’t find what I needed and lifted lighter than capable (in that case I added reps). The NROLW book offers at-home modifications, but I preferred the gym.

I’ve gained weight and some of my clothes fit tighter especially in the upper body. That purple dress was not that tight last time I wore it 9 months ago. My brother and Sean say the extra pounds are muscle. I’d like to believe them, but it’s still messes with my head to see the numbers on the scale go up when I’ve been working out almost every single day. To be fair, the book offers a meal plan with recipes, but I haven’t used them or tried cutting calories (not recommended in the book). Otherwise, the main difference in my diet is adding the protein shakes.

I don’t feel like I’m working my “problem areas” enough. The workouts are designed to work major muscle groups and not focus on something like just triceps or butt. I’d like to add in some specific tricep moves to help tone up my jiggly arms.

Workout A
Squats: I did these at home with 10# dumbbells. I probably started too light since I worked up to 85# on the squat rack. For the bonus workout with as many reps as possible without rest, I did 31 squats with original start weight of 10# dumbbells.

Push-ups: I started with a modified 45 degree push-up against my kitchen table. The authors don’t want you on your knees so they suggest wall push-ups, 45 degree push-ups, 30 degree and then flat. As you get stronger, you should drop down lower. Around workout 5, I dropped to 30 degrees; those are tough. Bonus workout: 21 push-ups (45 degree).

Seated rows: I began with 8 or 10# dumbbells at home (bent over), but won’t count those. I tried 30# in the gym, that was too easy. My real start was 40 and I worked up to 75. I could barely complete 7 (of 8) reps with 75#. The weights on the row machine increase from 60 to 75, and no matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t find the small 5# weights. Bonus workout: 17 rows at 50# (forgot I started lighter).

Step-ups: I left these out of the initial workout, because I misread what was included. My start was 10# and I worked up to 25# (fewer reps, more sets). My only adjustment to the difficulty was the dumbbells. I might start with a higher step for stage 2. Bonus workout: 50 with 8# (again, forgot I started with 10#).

Prone jackknifes: I left these out too, since you do alternating sets with step-ups. I worked up from 8 to being able to complete a full set of 15. I probably should have done them on the same size stability ball every time for a better measure of my improvement. Bonus workout: 20 jackknifes.

Workout B
Deadlift: I started out just lifting the 45# bar. I worked up to 75#. Bonus workout: 31 deadlifts at 45#.

Shoulder press: 10 to 15# dumbbells. I could have lifted a couple pounds more than 15, but the dumbbells go from 15 to 20 and the 20 were too heavy for me to do a full set. Bonus workout: 20 with 10# dumbbells.

Wide-grip lat pull-pown: Started at 30, found that was too easy so 40 would be my initial baseline. I worked up to 60#. Bonus workout: 31 reps with 40#.

Lunges: Started with 10# dumbbells, went up to 20#. These left me really sore initially and I even had to cut out reps or a set in the first workouts because they were painful. I did one workout without weights to not aggravate my glutes. Bonus workout: 21 lunges with 10#.

Swiss-ball crunch: The first workout called for 8 reps, I did 15 for one set, 8 for the next. I later made them tougher by holding a 10# plate and did 25 reps. Bonus workout: 50 crunches (no weight).

Cambios, Corriendo

Are you fit?

A couple years ago, Lori invited me to join her and her friend/pseudo trainer for a short trail run through the hills of Schabarum Regional Park. Even though I grew up in the area, I’d only run/walked the trails once before. R was running late and by the time he showed we has warmed up, stretched and were ready to get on the trails. Before we headed out, he sized me up.

“Are you fit?”

“Um… I guess.”

It was a strange question and I really didn’t know how to answer it. At that point, I was at/near my goal weight and had been regularly working out and running for a year. I was in a healthy BMI range for the first time in my adult life and could run 5-6 miles without stopping.

If “fit” meant keeping up with Lori and R on the trails, my answer was accurate. If it meant anything aside from running* — then and now — not so much.

Lately, I’ve been switching up my strength workouts. Rather than doing the routine I started in December (I’d added weight and reps since then to make it tougher), I attempted 30 minute strength workouts on the Nike Training Club app. I’ve done two workouts. Both have kicked my ass.

I tried both at home and after a few moves, I was sweating like crazy, breathing heavily and my heart was beating faster than when I do hill or speed workouts. Even though the moves are meant to be done non-stop without rest, I frequently paused the app to watch a short video demonstrating the moves and to take a breather. At one point during Perfect Score, last night’s workout, I got lightheaded and laid down on my mat. I’d only been doing the workout for 20 minutes. If I was running, I’d barely be sweating at that point.

Ten minutes later, I was done with Perfect Score. The woman hosting the NTC app congratulated me, but it was totally undeserved. I barely finished.

Despite feeling defeated, un-fit, and sore for a couple of days following each NTC workout, I plan to continue challenging myself. I love running and I’m pretty happy with my recent improvements. However, I know that if I spent all my exercise time just running it won’t be enough to improve my overall fitness and help me get back to my goal weight.

*I’d exclude flexibility. I think I’m okay on that one, but haven’t done any sort of test.

Cambios, Corriendo

Running off the pounds

I began running three years ago. I’d been actively following the Weight Watchers plan and steadily losing weight. The program encourages “moving more,” but it’s up to you to decide what that movement looks like and what “more” means. Technically, you could do no exercise and just focus on staying within the allotted points and you’d likely lose the prescribed 0.5-2 pounds a week.

At the time, adding in some cardio 3-4 times a week made sense since everything I’d ever read and heard about weight loss included changes to diet and exercise habits. I didn’t realize then that it would develop into something more than just a habit.

In late February, I joined the gym thanks to a sweet promotional deal. I signed on to my sister’s gym plan for $15 a month. Lori and Adrian gave me some tips on working out and soon I was a late night regular at the local 24 Hour Fitness. I mainly stuck to the treadmill and elliptical, but also added in some light strength training moves Adrian taught me.

I saw results immediately. I improved in my endurance and speed within a few weeks. On the weeks I exceeded my allotted points but still got in 3-4 workouts, I still lost or remained even at my weigh-in. Working out made me feel good, but it was primarily a weight loss tool just like tracking, journaling and watching portion sizes by measuring out my food.

Although running and weight loss were inextricably linked, I didn’t see it as a chore or a necessary evil. I stuck with running rather than other cardio activities because it was what I enjoyed most. I was also inspired by my sister’s marathon training and seeing her cross the finish line at the San Diego Rock’n’Roll Marathon.

Soon, I got fitted for running shoes at Run With Us in Pasadena and signed up for a 5K in the summer. That trail 5K kicked my ass, I wasn’t prepared for the hills and had to walk a little, but still enjoyed the experience and atmosphere.

Eventually, I’d lose 60 pounds by following the WW plan and running regularly. (More on that here.)

***

Last week I read a post by RoseRunner, a talented and fast runner who bristles at the assumption that she runs to lose weight or stay thin. Unlike a lot of her readers, I couldn’t relate. One, I don’t get those comments. Two, if people made that assumption about me, it’d be true. I wouldn’t be a runner now if I hadn’t decided I wanted to lose all the extra weight I’d been carrying around since I was a kid.

In my experience running to lose/maintain weight was not mutually exclusive with actually enjoying the sport. Soon after my first outdoor run (May ’09), I grew to love running and came to see myself as a runner. It took another year before I was ready to push myself to run longer distances and sign up for the Long Beach half marathon. That first experience was great and made me want to challenge myself more.

I no longer run to lose weight, but running is part of my lazy maintenance efforts. I don’t track calories/points for food or exercise. I’ve tried both and ditched it after a week or two. If I feel like my jeans are too tight, I concentrate on eating — more vegetables, watching portion sizes, eating out less — rather than exercise. I occasionally attend WW meetings to weigh-in, but don’t weigh myself weekly. I haven’t been at my goal weight since summer 2010, the same summer I increased my running and started training for my first half marathon. Yup, I’ve gained some pounds back as I’ve run more and become faster… go figure.

Lotería Chicana

Category Archives: Cambios