If Cinco de Mayo was a real holiday — instead of just an excuse to drink lots of tequila — there’d be some kind of gift giving or at least all Mexicans would get hugs. Even, better there’d be Cinco de Mayo miracles and claymation movies reenacting the Battle of Puebla. That would be neat and then maybe people would know the real reason for the season.

We could even write letters with lists of our wants to General Ignacio Zaragoza (leader of the Mexican troops at the Battle of Puebla). The following would be on my list:

1. Passage of the DREAM Act.
2. Real immigration reform that includes a pathway to citizenship for the millions of undocumented immigrants living “in the shadows.”
3. An end to the term “illegals” in reference to undocumented immigrants.
4. For the Arizona legislature and governor to get it’s collective head out of it’s ass and to repeal SB 1070 and the slew of other racist laws it approved in the past year.
5. To never again read/hear the word “guac” (sounds like “walk”) again as shorthand for guacamole.
6. To never again read/hear the word “marg” as shorthand for margarita.
7. To never again read/hear “wrap” in reference to a flour tortilla. I’ve given up with wraps to refer to cold burritos (ew), but I have to put my foot down when companies try to rename my beloved tortillas. I know the last three wishes make me seem like some kind of purist when it comes to the Spanish language or Mexican food and drink. I’m not, but reading/hearing the above words is like fingernails on a chalkboard. Casi me da asco.
8. A long trip to Guanajuato, Zacatecas and maybe a resort town or two. I’d love to swim in a cenote again and go scuba diving.
9. Another Café Tacuba album. It’s been almost 4 years since Sino.

I know I’m omitting a lot of important stuff, but I’d hope someone else’s letter to General Zaragoza would include items like ceasing construction on the border wall and a second Machete movie. What would you ask for?