What’s the point of being sober if no one notices?
– from The Five Wounds by Kirstin Valdez Quade

It’s early January, and numerous news outlets and people on my social media feeds are talking about Dry January. Yesterday, I replied to a post on Threads where someone reflected on day 4 of Dry January. That prompted my own short reflection and this longer one.

I decided in November 2023 to limit alcohol per my doctor’s recommendation during my annual physical. For my own health, alcohol isn’t good. I’m not a big drinker, but I would have some wine or beer 1-2 evenings a week while watching TV or at a party/social occasion. I don’t feel like I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, but like a lot of people I’ve regretted how much I’ve drank more than once.

Shortly after my physical, I visited family in LA for the annual Mosqueda Family Posada. What was supposed to be a fun and festive trip ended up being stressful due to a medical issue (everyone is okay, thankfully!). By the day of the party, I wanted to unwind with family I hadn’t seen in months, so I decided to have a drink. I didn’t know it would be my last.

In January, I met for the first time with a nutritionist my PCP referred me to for some other health concerns. In my intake appointment, we discussed my current habits and lifestyle and composed some achievable goals. I left with the following list:

• Eat a more complete breakfast by including protein
• Eat vegetables with lunch and dinner
• Go to bed earlier (before 1 am)
• Exercise at least 30 minutes 3 times/week
• Eliminate alcohol

Yes, rather than limit alcohol, she recommended eliminating it. Okay. I had varying degrees of success with the other changes throughout the year, but I stuck to eliminating alcohol and 2024 became my first full year of no drinking. Technically, I’m sober, but it feels weird to say that because it carries a lot of weight. 

Do I miss it? A bit, especially in the summer when a cold beer sounded delicious or at a social event. I stayed at a hotel for work that gave you coupons for two cocktails at the bars and was a little bummed that I missed out on a poolside margarita. But I still enjoyed the pool with a mocktail. I’ve tried non-alcoholic beer and it does the job when I crave the taste.

Is it hard? No. At a different point in my life this would have been more challenging. I don’t go to a lot of parties where there’s beer or other alcohol. My social life in Ithaca is much more quiet than it was in LA. Sean does the grocery shopping and rarely buys alcohol for our home.

I recognize that my experience quitting drinking may be different from a lot of people. I’ve seen a loved one quit drinking and know it was different for them. I also know of others who have struggled and not been able to stop. I can’t speak to those experiences, but now I can relate a tiny bit to some of the other changes that come with this.

Is it weird? Kinda, but mostly because I tend to overanalyze things. I’ve been asked if I want wine or beer and when I decline I feel like I have to explain why I’m not drinking. No one has ever asked me to explain or pressured me to drink. The weirdness is all in my head and I feel a bit self-conscious being the only one without a drink in the group in the rare times that’s happened.

Before today, I had only shared with a few people that I made this decision. I asked for recommendations on good non-alcoholic beers with my online mom group. My doctors know and, naturally, so does Sean. I don’t think I told anyone in my immediate family, but this is likely because I only see them in person a couple of times a year. 

Do I notice any changes? Shrug. I can’t really say one way or another since I consciously made other changes when I also eliminated alcohol. It’d be harder to say “I’m sleeping better” or have more energy because I also tried to get more sleep, exercise and eat more vegetables. 

If you’re making any changes for your health and wellness, I hope you have people in your corner to support you and you meet your goals. I’m always here to cheer you on too.