On October 21st tía Susana passed away in a tragic car accident in Tucson, Arizona. She died alongside her mother Chuy, brother Toño, sister Nena and brother-in-law Froylan. In one day an extended and close family lost five cherished members of their family.

My dad informed us the next day. I was shocked and saddened reading the news. My siblings were a little confused as it wasn’t clear from my dad’s words that our aunt was in the car too.

I stepped away from my desk. The day before I had just made a mini ofrenda and placed a picture of Papá Chepe and Mamá Toni. Now, I could only think of the immense loss for the larger family but also my cousin, his wife and their children. I left the office at walked up to the large chapel. I tried calling my parents, but they didn’t answer. They were probably on the phone with other family members. Eventually, I went home early. I needed the quite to think and pray.

I still can’t comprehend it. What I can comprehend is the ritual of laying someone to rest and how I find some comfort in singing alongside my dad and siblings.

When I told my dad we’d be going to LA for the services, he replied, “awesome, can use your voice.”

Dad sent me the worship aide (music selection) for tía Susana’s funeral earlier this week. He advised me to listen to songs on YouTube since I wouldn’t be able to rehearse ahead of time.

The first song is “Entre Tus Manos.” It made me think of tío Johnny’s funeral in 2012. Tía Sue and tío Johnny were married until his passing. As I listened and cried to the songs, I was inspired to go back and read what I’d written about his funeral. In reading that post, I realized I forgot most of the details. Of course I knew that I sang and that “Entre Tus Manos” was impactful, but I forgot that I didn’t even plan to sing because I’d been sick. Or that Lupe and Javier, two of tía Sue’s siblings had brought and played a recording of the youth choir singing back in the day with tío Johnny conducting. I found comfort in my own words. (I need to write more, but that’s another post.)

When tío Johnny died from a long illness, I was somewhat prepared. I had seen him the day before to say goodbye. Reading my post about after he died reminded me that tía Sue even got out one of his guitars so we could sing to him.

I don’t know if singing will bring any comfort, but I’ll be with family bringing our voices together. And maybe that’s what I really need.

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The families are still raising funds through GoFundMe and other fundraisers. If you can support or share, they’d appreciate any assistance.